Such Is Life

Photo credit: Joe & Colleen Federer

Federer Photography

Curtis and I are no strangers to separation.  From the time we started dating to the day of our wedding, we saw each other for only 7 chunks of time, each period being 10 days or less.  It was difficult to defend our story to people who didn’t know us.  Marrying a guy you’ve seen a total of 27 days since you started dating a year and a half ago wasn’t the greatest argument.  What was convincing was the fact that we’ve been best friends since we were twelve, and had survived separation due to mutual trust, great respect – our relationship was mature - and primarily, the grace of God. 

The grace of God. 

Since getting married, I’ve grown faster than I ever have before.  Thank God, because it barely keeps up with the other fact that I’ve learned more junk about myself than ever before.  Getting married is like adopting a mirror.  Roommates, family members, and even best friends don’t have to live as closely to you as your spouse does.  And it’s easy for life to point out things. 

Some days I think – poor guy ;)

Like I said, I’ve grown.  I find myself more capable of controlling my emotions.  I can endure separation.  I say that we’re no strangers to it, but there’s a difference between a long-distance relationship and moving across the ocean to be with your husband, the person that you are one with.  Your very flesh and bone.  Separation in this realm is a little wrong.  But in our world, it’s necessary.  I find myself taking a healthy (yes, healthy) numb approach.   I control my thoughts in terms of this.  I refuse to entertain pity.  Or despair.  Or even facts, sometimes.  I need not know when he’s coming back.  It could change, and probably will.  I need not know exactly where he is.  It makes me realize he’s not here.  It’s sometimes a game of fooling myself.  Of mind trickery.  I simply just don't get into it.

But then there are days.  You’d think I’d elaborate, but I have no desire to.  I guess that’s something I should refuse to entertain also.   Let’s just say the grace of God again steps in and I am carried.   It’s the one set of footprints in the sand, the storm that you can only sit through.  You just Keep Breathing. 

Waiting it out.  And finding stamina.